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What Dating Taught Me About Introversion

Quiet Revolutionary Santiago Robledo’s Story 

I’ve always been very reserved with my feelings. I don’t consider myself shy, but when I date a girl, I always regret not being more extroverted. I admire my friends and how they can go out on a date completely relaxed and sure of themselves. Even if things don’t go as planned, the situation doesn’t affect them at all. I’ve seen a few of them being rejected, and straight away, they were asking another girl for dinner. Maybe this is normal, but I was shocked. I need a lot of time to get ready and to think where to go. As an introvert, I have to analyze everything to prepare the perfect plan.

Even if I calculate everything, I stress a little bit. Sometimes, I felt tempted to call the girl and cancel the date with a stupid excuse. My mind feels like it’s working against me. I sometimes think that my date wouldn’t enjoy the things I planned to do, that she wouldn’t like my deep conversation, or that I would ruin her weekend. I worry about her talking to her friends about our date even if I’ve never met them before. I have a lot of negative thoughts that discourage me.

In my hometown, I had different groups of friends: from my school, my football team, and my work. At that time, meeting new people was easier and more natural. But I didn’t know too many people when I moved to the city, which only made things worse.

My first idea to meet new people was to use the social networks, specifically the dating networks. It was the first time I used them. I always thought only desperate people go on those kinds of sites. I felt so embarrassed that I didn’t tell my friends about it so they wouldn’t be able to make fun of me.

I registered on one of these dating networks, and I started to look at the pictures. As an introvert, I didn’t feel comfortable talking about my life on these sites, so I decided to leave a few comments on interesting-looking profiles. Two days later, I checked my messages. Most of the people didn’t answer me, and the one who did asked me for a picture because I hadn’t put one up. That’s when I realized that this kind of site wasn’t for me. I think my introvert character had a lot to do with that.

My introvert personality wanted me to come back to the traditional way of dating girls. I like to meet for the first time in a quiet cafeteria to find out more about the person in front of me. I do my best to bring up interesting subjects so she can enjoy the conversation. A lot of my friends tell me that going to a concert or a night club and drinking a lot works better for them, because they feel uninhibited. But they are extroverted people.

As a result of my experiences, I’ve created a blog, called, to help introverts like me to find their place in the world, because there is not too much information about introversion in Spanish. I hope it will help some others who feel like I do.

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3 responses to “What Dating Taught Me About Introversion”

  1. Snookie says:

    What a lovely article Santiago. I particularly noticed your comment about your friends taking another girl out to dinner if the first one didn’t work out. That is what puzzles me about modern ‘dating’. People seem to go out with lots of different people, just to go out with someone. What happened to going out with someone because you particularly like them? Trust me, when you find someone you really like, you know it! I had someone special who I met through work. He was a typical introvert, and spent a lot of time in the library where I worked. He started talking to me, and I thought we became quite close. He was certainly acting like he liked me. After I left the workplace for family reasons I tried to keep in touch with him, but he wouldn’t reply to my messages suggesting meeting up, although I saw him unexpectedly once and he agreed he would like to meet up. We left it that he would contact me when he was available, but he never did. Reading the second paragraph makes me think that what you say there is the problem with my friend. The introvert in him worries that he wouldn’t know what to say to me, and would I be interested in what he said. He is overthinking it and talking himself out of it before he even starts. It is such a shame because sometimes it is nice just being in someone’s company, going for a walk or sitting together in a nice place, without talking. You sound a lovely, genuine sort of man. I do hope you find yourself a nice girl. There are some of us out here who like quiet, thoughtful men like you.

  2. frank discussion says:

    Don’t fret about the online sites. I immersed myself in such sites earlier this year, which are very much like applying for a job. One doesn’t hear back from most people, as the sites themselves keep inactive profiles up there and create others while using a variety of techniques to make it look like there are more people on there than there are. On top of that are people who are playing games with people’s emotions, my sister told me of “friends” who put up a false profile for her, i.e. without her knowledge initially, then communicated with people with that profile. Then there are people who are looking for perfection, others who are disingenuous, others looking for you to do something for them, e.g. providing for them financially. I had about a 1% rate of meeting me, and I had reviewed more than a few thousand profiles. A better option is to join and participate in “meetup” activities. There are usually more women then men in those, but unless they’re billed as a “singles” group, there’s no pressure or expectation of dating. It’s a great way to build some confidence without having to ask anyone out (if you don’t want to).

  3. Cari Z says:

    Santiago – What a wonderful piece you’ve written! Don’t give up – there are many girls out there who would love a guy like you. They too are Introverted, shy and looking for real conversation. Personally, guys that are too loud and extroverted used to put me off. They never seemed to LISTEN. They didn’t try to get to know me as a person. Also, although I got married before dating apps were in wide use, now i think it would make it easier for introverts to connect. My son is kind of shy and finds the dating apps easier than approaching someone in person. But, whatever feels comfortable is best for you, and it sounds like you have the courage to talk to people in person, which is GREAT! I applaud you! May you find true love!

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