I was already 18 years old when I started to feel the first signs of a lack of freedom. I realized that for many years I had been learning to believe that my feelings were wrong and to suppress my emotions. In order to adapt to the choices of my parents, I had created a false self; I was just hiding behind a mask. I lost my self-esteem, and I felt like it was unsafe to be authentic.
I became shy, insecure, isolated, intimidated, and powerless. I felt a void so big inside me that I was afraid to follow new ideas and new roads. I was trapped in a prison I was building with my own hands. I was completely frozen because I didn’t even know what I wanted from my life, from myself. I also started to feel guilty and ashamed—ashamed of not being able to control my own life, my own choices. My life was spiraling down, and I had no idea how to heal my emotional wounds. All that sorrow resulted in acts of self-injury. I started to cut my skin with rose thorns.
I may have looked fine on the outside, but on the inside, I was wearing down. My heart was screaming an invisible message of help, but I was closed so well that nobody could see within me. I lost control over my life. I was almost 21 when, feeling a huge void within me, I hit rock bottom. That day, I sought an altered state of consciousness by drinking alcohol. I sought the illusion of releasing resistance and breaking free of the negative emotional response. My memories of that day are clouded. I don’t remember what happened. When I woke up, I was in the emergency room.
After that incident, I started to realize that I didn’t have to let my shyness and fear take control of my life. I needed to bring my emotions forward. I couldn’t keep all the pain within me. I immersed myself in reading and watching videos of powerful people. I wanted to gain lots of knowledge, model the people that had made it, follow their steps, learn their mentality, and find out how they had done it. And I was now full of hope—because everything is possible if you think it is. Life is about having a dream and not knowing how to get there but starting anyway.
I increased my self-confidence, and I transformed introversion into my greatest friend. I was not ashamed of my weaknesses anymore; they were just part of me. I learned a new language (English), and I gained knowledge in naturopathy, mind-body connection, endurance sport, personal development, business mastery, and spirituality. I learned to approach negativity with seeing it as an opportunity.
After having healed my life, I was now ready to take care of the others as well. I started chasing the dream of making this world a better place to live in, the dream of starting my own business and being able to spread my message.
I wanted to show that by working on the body and the spirit, it is possible to turn your biggest life challenges into personal well-being.